Proposing a New Treatment Strategy

Today, I had a brilliant idea while sitting in LA's office.

Those working with treatment teams to overcome eating issues should be provided with a clothing allowance.

Think about it. Sure, I'm thrown into emotional distress when I gain a couple pounds. Yeah, it makes me want to stop eating for about a month (I'm being sarcastic...clearly that would not go unnoticed by the professionals), and a fear of fat is obviously at the root of many of my issues. But further on down the list, the stress of purchasing new clothes yet again is another negative side effect of getting healthy.

Don't get me wrong...I want to be healthy. I do. That is the top priority, and if it were not, I would not spend large chunks of my week with a dietitian, psychologist, and physicians (I mean, they are great and all, but...). I will get healthy, I will listen and do what I should do to regain some of the healthy weight I lost. I will kick and scream and drag my heels a little at times, but deep down I know I cannot fight it and need to just accept it.

I will not let the fact that I will need to buy new clothes stand in the way of my health. It's minor, and I hope you sense my sarcasm and humor in writing this. But, seriously, refeeding would be a lot more pleasant if I had a fashion-related goal to motivate me. People trying to lose weight are motivated by all the cute clothes they can wear if/when they achieve their goal weight. Hell, the contestants on the Biggest Loser even get full-on makeovers after they transform themselves (lucky bastards...although I guess they deserve it). And what do us recovering eating disorder patients get? To watch our waistlines expand, to agonize over favorite clothing that refuses to stretch over our "healthy" new bodies, to "hold off" on buying clothing because we never really know what the hell we are going to look like when it's all said and done.

If LA, Dr. Joe, and Dr. K all contributed to a refeeding fashion fund for me, it would prod me along a little in the process. Perhaps I wouldn't kick and scream about going up a size if I knew I could tap into the little trust fund they lovingly set up on my behalf rather than forking over my own cash for new clothes.

I'm just saying.

I actually proposed this new idea to LA this morning, who didn't exactly say no, but deferred the question to Dr. Joe. Given that Dr. Joe's salary is probably higher than LA's, I should have probably started there first anyhow. Silly me.

Dr. Joe said the clothing allowance was a fine idea, that he didn't really care either way. Except that the reason he didn't really care was that he would not be footing the bill for any of it. I think he missed the point.

Back to LA. I texted her after the Dr. Joe appointment. She said sure, that she would just include me in her kids' clothing budget. Sweet. She agreed to it, and I have the text to prove it.

(Ok, I realize she was probably kidding, but we all know emotion cannot be expressed in text, so I'm taking the answer for what it is: an affirmative "Absolutely, M. You're my favorite client and I'd love to set aside some money for you to enjoy the experience of purchasing new clothes...").

While out shopping this evening, I came across a fabulous pewter-colored handbag. As is a long-standing tradition when I find something amazing at a store, I snapped a picture and sent it to Mama K for her to provide her opinion. She said it was a must-have, that I needed it, and to just go ahead and bill LA.

I told her I didn't think accessories would count as acceptable use of the refeeding fashion fund, but perhaps I can spin it somehow.

In other news, I had a nuclear test on my gallbladder this morning at the local hospital. The test itself was rather painless (well, except for the IV...I have never gotten used to them and they still make me queasy), but did last over two hours. Mostly I slept while the technician tried to get my gallbladder to act up and replicate the pain I've been experiencing during those recent I-am-certain-I-am-dying attacks. She succeeded; I felt some pain.  I'll hopefully have the results from GI Guy in a few days and we'll proceed from there.

I saw Dr. Joe after LA today, and we had a little chat about all kinds of things: the fact that I purged three times this week (that was not fun to talk about, I kind of stared at the floor while he freaked out a little), my marathon training (even he thinks I'm insane to train for one throughout the midwestern winter...I'll probably agree with him in, oh, about a month or so), my body dysmorphia, and what I've been eating as of late (I absolutely hate verbalizing my daily food intake for some reason, and I wish he'd just read it off a notebook like LA does). I was (jokingly) scolded for rolling my eyes several times during the appointment. I assured Dr. Joe the eye-roll is reserved only for those with whom I feel comfortable enough to be myself. He should take it as a compliment, really.

I will probably need to dedicate an upcoming post to the positives about Dr. Joe. I actually do adore the man, despite the fact that I am constantly harassing him (unbeknownst to him) via this blog. It's just the kind of client-therapist relationship we have: filled with lots of banter that would probably be considered disrespectful except that we both can take it as well as we can dish it out.

All in all, today was a needed opportunity to slow down a bit and reconnect with the people who have been helping me all along. It's time to get back on track and keep moving in the right direction.

After all, new clothing awaits... :)