There has been that slight chill in the air as of late, coming and going just enough to remind all of us that another Midwest winter is lurking just around the corner. The painted leaves remind us that it is still autumn, but before we know it we will be white-knuckling our steering wheels and packing our "office" shoes to change into once we get to work.
I've always loved this time of year, as many do (well, minus the fact that winter is lurking around the corner), and would truly miss it if we moved to one of those "one-season" areas (think: Florida. Arizona. Hawaii...although beaches would be nice). Sure, there are numerous annoyances associated with the weather turning colder: running outside presents complex wardrobe issues ("It's snowing, but I know I will be sweating in a matter of minutes...are shorts still acceptable?"), I begin to run late to work thanks to the need to defrost the car, and the dog will need to be yanked outside against his will to go to the bathroom (even though I bought him a little down ski jacket a few years ago).
Despite these minor annoyances, I do love the following about this time of year:
- The reappearance of the festive red Starbucks cups, subtly reminding us that we need to begin holiday shopping, like, tomorrow.
- Football. I live for it. My brother and father trained me well, and at times, forgot that I was a girl.
- The fact that only the hardiest of runners are out training on the paths...it's like an athletic secret society.
- Shopping for others...I truly, truly love it (The Mr.: "I don't understand why gift cards won't suffice...")
- Wearing my hooded sweatshirts, running jackets, gym clothes, and long sleeve race t-shirts is suddenly totally acceptable, as staying warm and being comfortable begins to take priority over looking nice.
- We begin to hibernate and our life sloooooooooooooooooows down just enough.
On Friday, I ventured out with my long-lost work friends to dinner and to see the University's theater department's first play of the semester. We just recently hired a new theater director, and we were anxious to see what kind of new vibe he is bringing to our old-fashioned, traditional theater program. He did not disappoint...a hilarious, modern, sex-filled, R-rated theatrical production left us all wondering if our conservative, Harvard-educated Associate Dean will be asking him to pack his bags first thing Monday morning. We sure hope not...he fits in perfectly with the rest of our quirky campus community.
Dinner was, as always, a bit of an anxiety point. I, of course, looked over the online restaurant menu several times before we left the office, and ordered a glass of wine immediately to shut my brain up as it overprocessed and overthought every last ingredient and calorie. I was set on getting the "safe" grilled chicken salad, but remembered LA's comment this past week about pizza being the perfect food (grains, vegetables, dairy...) and decided to split a tomato-basil pizza and salad with my boss (who was thoroughly enjoying her sangrias that night...one of the many reasons I love her to death). The restaurant is also famous for serving "breadsticks the size of your head" (direct quote from another coworker), and I actually ate one of them (albeit slowly and kind of regretting it with every bite...but, hey, it was a challenge).
On Saturday, The Mr. took me to a Mediterranean lunch buffet, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I made dinner at home both last night and tonight, and we just had wine and watched TV with our crazy dog. I napped (a lot) and tried to relax after the stress of returning to work. I taught cycling class and ran, and just did whatever I wanted to. I even met one of my favorite athletes of all time today: Olympic speed skater Apolo Ohno. I stood in line for about an hour to have him sing my copy of his most recent book "Zero Regrets" , among crying teenagers and sexually frustrated suburban housewifes who probably fell head over heels in love with him while he twirled around the stage on Dancing With the Stars.
So where was the eating disorder voice this weekend? It was quieted a bit by the overall calm of the weekend. I tried to push the "you suck" out of my head while out on my long run this morning, and ignored the urge to restrict or purge after my dinner out on Friday night. I questioned whether or not I had eaten too much at the Mediterranean restaurant, but rationalized that the food was basically comprised of vegetables, olive oil, and pita, and that I had taught a rigorous 90-minute cycling class just hours before and was in need of the nourishment. I know I did not eat a big enough post-run breakfast this morning, and fully anticipate some questioning from LA about it tomorrow morning. Currently, I'm trying to tell myself I did not overeat at dinner this evening, and that the food I consumed (which was all very healthy and not at all anything concerning) is not going to increase my midsection overnight. Nothing is ever perfect, which bothers me at times. However, I'm beginning to realize that even a semi-normal weekend is a step in the right direction at this point.
Time to go pack the food I need to get me through tomorrow's meal plan (it's a little like packing for a expedition, really) and settle into bed with a book. It's only a three-day work week for me this week, as the University is closed on Thursday for Veterans' Day, and The Mr. and I took Friday off to celebrate our wedding anniversary. This week, while short, will bring some challenges. For starters, both LA and Dr. Joe will be out of town (this is the second time this has mysteriously happened...my boss, D., asked me the other day if I find it at all suspicious...?). While both are still readily accessible to me (only a text or email away), the fact that I slipped into relapse the last time they were gone is still fresh in my memory. However, I have grown a lot stronger since then, and fully intend to be just fine without them around.
I should also mention that today marks two weeks without purging or skipping a meal. It seems like a small achievement given the fact that I have been working on this eating disorder thing for almost four months, but I am constantly reminded by those around me that breaking this cycle takes a very, very long time.
I will be meeting with LA tomorrow morning, Dr. Joe tomorrow evening, and GI Guy on Tuesday morning. In between I'll be working at my job, teaching classes at the gym, and riding out the positive momentum of the weekend.
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