Setbacks: Buy One, Get One Free

Today was unpleasant. When Dr. Joe asked how I was feeling about today's developments, I replied "I want to forget it ever happened and move on."

And he responded: "I want you to do the exact opposite of that. You need to remember this forever and I never want you to forget it."

So what happened? Well, in the grand scheme of things, nothing earth-shattering. Dr. K was able to fit me in this afternoon in order to discuss the symptoms I've been experiencing (the burning sensation in the throat, the digestive issues, the pain while eating). So I arrived there and spilled my guts to Dr. K about what has been going on, making sure to hit all the points LA wanted me to relay to her (the concerned mothering-type dietitian that she is).

Dr. K confirmed what I already suspected was true: severe acid reflux from purging, micro-tears in the esophagus, a possible strain on one of the digestive muscles. She ordered bloodwork (doing that tomorrow...in the middle of my 12-hour fast right now while smelling the lingering aromas of The Mr.'s dinner) to take a look at my liver enzymes, electrolytes, and such. I've been down this road before...lab work is nothing new for someone with an eating disorder.

The second blow of the day was also delivered by Dr. K. Turns out I have been running on a stress fracture for awhile now, and this can probably be chalked up to a lack of calcium and overuse. Dr. K always inquires about skeletal/muscular pain when I see her, and for some reason I decided to be honest today and tell her that I have been feeling some pain in my right shin. I thought for sure she would take one look and declare "shin splints!" and I'd be on my merry way.

Well, not exactly. The X-ray revealed the fracture, plain as day. Thankfully, it is already in the healing stages, but it means no running for two weeks.

Dr. Joe intercepted the hysterical version of me just after I left Dr. K's office. In fact, I was a few minutes late meeting with him, as my appointment with her ran over (obviously...because I'm a walking medical trainwreck at this point). Because I cannot think of any other way to describe the random thoughts that crossed my mind this afternoon (and the two appointments were a complete blur), I'll use a bulleted list. Thank you, six years of post-secondary education.

Here it goes...the thought process occuring after getting Dr. K's news:

• How am I going to cut my already minimal acceptable foods list down to "bland and soft"?
• No way in hell I'm eating everything LA wants me to if I can't run it off (the eating disorder speaks)
• This is all my fault.
• I'll bet I can still run and Dr. K would never know.
• Crap. I need to schedule more doctors appointments around my work schedule and they are going to kill me.
• Is wine still permissable given the inflammation of the esophagus? Because I could use a bottle right about now.
• I have a half marathon in two weeks and Dr. Joe claims water-jogging will work just fine. I think he is insane.
• I spend more time with these doctors than I do my dog and husband.

So here I am. A setback. Or, as Dr. Joe says, "an opportunity."

Indeed it is. Tomorrow I will tackle this latest setback with the same determination and drive I apply to all other areas of my life. Tonight, however, I am drained from the stress of this afternoon and the thought of the challenges that lie ahead.

Positivity to come in the morning, I promise...stay tuned.