Hello everyone,
You may have noticed my frequent doctor’s appointments and absences throughout this semester. Unfortunately, I have decided to take a medical leave of absence beginning Monday October 18th. I will be returning to the office on Monday, November 1st. I will still be in the office tomorrow (Friday, October 22).
All major FYE projects have already been either completed or assigned, and anyone involved has already received the information they need. So, if you have not yet been tapped, there isn’t a thing you need to cover! If you have a question about something that typically falls under me or need to know who is covering one of my projects, please talk to DXXX or MXXX and they can direct you accordingly.
Thank you to anyone who steps in to help while I am out. I truly appreciate it, and will return the favor in the future!
I just typed those exact words and hit the "Send" button to deliver that message to my 30+ coworkers, most of whom have no idea the battle I've been fighting for months.
There you have it. I've raised the white flag. I surrender. It's time to get some more intensive help.
Beginning tomorrow at 5:00, I am officially on medical leave from my beloved job at the University. I'll be leaving the coworkers that are like family and spending a LOT of time with three people who have become like family: my treatment team.
I had scare #3 last night- severe pain in my abdomen, esophagus, and throat that kept me awake and wimpering in pain for a good hour or so. The Mr. and I debated on going to the emergency room (or very least, an Urgent Care), but somehow decided not to, assuming the pain is par for the course (it's the third time I've felt it that severely) and that it would eventually subside.
Well, Dr. K said otherwise when I talked to her this morning. She said the next time I feel it, the ER should be my immediate destination, at least until we know more details about what this is.
While I was already kicking around the idea of a medical leave yesterday afternoon, that experience solidified it for me. My body is just revolting. It's failing me, it's damaged, and it needs time and focus to heal.
I am blessed to work in such a supportive and flexible work environment; one that allows me to step away without many questions and provides me with the back-up and support I need. I truly love working in higher education for that reason, as there is no better place to find support and nurturing than at a college campus. It's our business: helping others develop, grow, and achieve. And sometimes even those of us providing these things need the same.
It was my supervisor's idea- this leave. She was quick to point out (knowing me well and my need to please, overachieve, and strive for perfection) that I am doing my job well despite the trials and tribulations of battling an eating disorder. However, she wanted me to know that if I needed the time to step away and focus on just my treatment, that she was willing to make it happen.
And I accepted. Because it's time to tackle this once and for all. And while I'm making significant strides and have grown in many ways since I first admitted there was a problem, I do need the opportunity to strip my life of most other things and focus my time and energy on getting better. For good. Not just for a few weeks.
The thought of so much down time, obviously, worries me. I fear I will fall into a deep depression and not be able to get out, especially living and breathing all that is Eating Disorder for a good two weeks. Because of this, I've worked with my team to structure my time in a way that allows for rest and healing, but includes some really intensive outpatient work.
So, in addition to sleeping in (which for me is only until about 8:00...don't get too excited), I'll be meeting with LA every day. We are hitting the nutrition education hard and will be working to break down and accept my "fear foods". Sprinkled into the week will be intensive appointments with Dr. Joe, during which he will 1. smile slightly at my sarcasm, 2. tell me to just "relax", and 3. provide me with quotes and metaphors to blog about.
Just kidding- it will be much more productive than that. But you all know I love to pick on Dr. Joe.
I will also have the pleasure of having a scope shoved down my esophagus and throat. LA made this sound like an absolute blast when I talked to her today (not), as she had one done for some odd reason in the past. But the scope will let us know the extent of the damage to my digestive system, which will help Dr. K know how to treat the pain and discomfort I've been experiencing.
But most of all, the time will (hopefully) allow me to start to feel like myself again. I need to have some good days...and not just one or two.
If a perfection-obsessed, over-achieving control freak can take a leap of faith like this, walk away from something that truly defines her, and place whole-hearted trust in a team of three strangers-turned-saviors, the possibility certainly exists that this eating disorder thing can be turned around.
This is exactly what I need, and it should have happened months ago. But alas, you can't convince a driven, independent, stubborn woman of much until she learns it for herself, right?
I never thought I'd be doing what I did today: simplifying the career I've built for myself down to a short to-do list for my coworkers...sending out an email like that to colleagues who have grown to respect my work and drive...looking at my boss with desperate and grateful eyes that read "Thank you, you noticed. This is exactly what I need."
I am tough. I am together. I am a machine that can work and work and work with very little rest.
Until now. But just I admitted to Mama K several months ago that I was battling an eating disorder, admitting that I need this time and want to take a leap of faith with my treatment team is another first step towards becoming Me again.
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